


Without Fail

by 50s_housewife_with_a_dark_secret



Category: Loki: Agent of Asgard, Thor (Comics), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Everyone Needs A Hug, Fluff without Plot, Gen, Jotunn Loki (Marvel), Loki (Marvel) Does What He Wants, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Post-Thor: Ragnarok (2017), Pranks and Practical Jokes, Presumed Dead, Sobbing, Some Humor, Some Plot, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-29
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 16:20:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 1,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22466332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/50s_housewife_with_a_dark_secret/pseuds/50s_housewife_with_a_dark_secret
Summary: Loki has a habit of faking his death.
Relationships: Loki & Thor (Marvel)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 50





	1. Reactions

The thing is, Loki never gets tired of seeing Thor's idiotic reactions to his "death". It's entertaining and the novelty never wears off. The funeral turnout is decent this time. It's his first death since they relocated to earth and Thor is openly sobbing as he delivers a poorly written speech. The blubbering is making the actual speech itself difficult to make out, but Loki is distinctly unimpressed by what he hears. Eventually Thor just breaks down crying and Loki reveals himself with a sigh. 

"Seriously? Is that the _best_ you could do? I expect better next time." 

Thor turns around slowly, disbelievingly. "Loki?!" 

It's honestly amazing that Thor keeps falling for this. "Obviously." 

Thor is crying again. 

"Is there anything that _doesn't_ make you weep like a child?" 

Thor laughs hysterically. Not much more impressive, really. It's a wonder that anything remains of New Asgard under Thor's leadership. Loki credits himself with keeping things together. It certainly isn't this sentimental moron's doing. 


	2. Loki

Midgard, while largely boring and populated by idiots, does turn out to have some interesting opportunities. Loki may not be as well matched here, but there is a certain joy in cheating a Mafia boss out of a hand or two of cards for a few million dollars-worth of drugs. Selling falsified versions of human organs is entertaining, in its own way. And soon enough Loki has a web of income that he doesn't really need, but which it is deeply entertaining to have accumulated. The only problem is that many midgardians do not take kindly to this, and Asgard is trying to stay on friendly terms with their government. This is supposed to involve not stealing from those governments, which is a ridiculous and unrealistic restriction to put on Loki, especially around a species so gullible. 


	3. Suicide

Loki is an excellent pilot, even if the vessel leaves something to be desired. Faking a mental breakdown is not difficult, given her reputation. What is more challenging is appearing to crash a spaceship into the ocean. Good riddance to this idiotic planet. The ship crashes down into the water and Loki casts an illusion around the entire thing to conceal herself as she rises back out and makes her way to Sakaar. With any luck, the government will still be in chaos and Loki will be able to take over relatively easily. Maybe she could even see the Grandmaster again, though they hadn't exactly parted on the best of terms. Loki is confident that they can move past that, especially if she makes it politically advantageous for the Grandmaster to do so. Or she could just kill him. She hasn't made up her mind.


	4. She Was

Loki disguises herself and asks around about the Grandmaster. Apparently, it is common knowledge that he has gone on the run and has not been seen for at least a month. The most recent claims to sightings seem dubious at best. It doesn't sit well with Loki. The Grandmaster is slippery, and she'd rather know where he is than not. Nonetheless, she begins building power as a new leader. It won't be difficult. A few inspiring speeches, obvious suggestions here and there, and the people are usually eager to put someone, anyone, in charge. She begins with a search party, trying to hunt down the Grandmaster. She'll build her influence there, and maybe figure out where he is hiding into the balance. 


	5. Sakaar

"Loki?" the Valkyrie stares. "Huh." 

"What are you doing here?" Loki asks. 

"I could ask you the same thing." She rests her hand on her sword. 

"Seemed as good a place as any." Loki shrugs. 

"Figured I owed a debt to this shithole." 

"Well the Grandmaster is gone, so if you feel the need to serve a sovergn-"

"To the people." she cuts him off. 

Loki looks at her for a moment. "I'm impressed." he admits. 

"Didn't ask." 

"I take it you're going to tell Thor?" 

She shrugs. "Probably." 

He sighs. "Damn." 

"He's a mess, you know." 

"He generally is." 

"About you. Dying." 


	6. Jailed Them

Loki turned away. They realized their mistake quickly. The Valkyrie seized the opportunity to attack. Loki didn't bother asking why. It seemed that she needed little provocation. Loki kicked back at the Valkyrie's shins and she grunted but didn't let go.

"Do you really think you can defeat me twice?" 

"Do you really think you can win a fight against a Valkyrie?" 

"I hope not." Loki said, even as they flipped her onto the ground. "That would be horribly disappointing." 

She kicked their legs out from under them and straddled them, holding a blaster to their face. "Wouldn't want to let down a fan." She spat. 

* * *

"Is this really necessary?" Loki asked, from the makeshift prison installed in the Valkyrie's ship. 

"If you could leave, would you?" She responded. 

Loki grinned. 

Valkyrie rolled her eyes and returned to the vessel's controls in front of her. 


	7. Sent Back To Midgard

"Loki! It's really you!" Thor says. 

Loki frowns at him. "If I die, it won't be in nearly so pathetic a display as that crash. I would think you'd have more faith in a Prinx of Asgard." 

Thor smiles, still appearing slightly hysterical "I should." He says, resting a hand on Loki's shoulder. 

"You're an idiot." Loki says, grimacing. Thor's friendly back-slaps, much like his hugs, are not very comfortable. 

"I shall alert the people immediately. We will celebrate your return." 

"I faked my death for a reason you oaf. Don't ruin my hard work with your games." 

"Whatever it is I'm sure it can be resolved." 

"By my remaining dead." Loki agrees, knowing that this is not what Thor means. 


	8. Seventy Years In Prison

It ends up being the damned Valkyrie who tells the Midgardians. She rats Loki out and then runs away back to Sakaar to cozy up to the peasants. 

"Don't worry." says Thor. "I will smooth things over." 

Thor has never been especially good at smoothing things over. "No." Loki takes on Thor's appearance. " _I_ will." 

"Sister," Thor says, clearly uncomfortable, "I have no doubt that you are the more skilled among the two of us at matters of diplomatic manuevering, but given your tendancy towards...stealing everything, I'd really rather go as myself. I can't afford to lose my standing here. Our _people_ can't afford for me to lose our standing here." 

"Don't worry," Loki says "I won't get caught."

Thor does not look particularly comforted. Loki resolves to prove him wrong. "I've already called a meeting to address this." She tells him. "Now I've got to go, they're waiting for you." 

* * *

"My sister is mischevious," Loki says on behalf of Thor, "But she meant no harm."

"Your _sister_ is accused of 2986 breaches of her agreement with this planet." 

"And how many of those can you prove?" Loki challenges.

The council does not look impressed. The old man who seems to be the ringleader says "We have granted Loki amnesty here on the condition that she does not give us reason for aggression. I would suggest you take this seriously, King Odinson." 

"You cannot simply blame Loki for all of your own problems." Loki says, looking over the list of accusations, "Practicing medicine without a licence, impersonating a senator, impersonating a police officer, impersonating religious leaders, manslaughter...have your own people not a history of doing these things? Why must my sister shoulder the blame?" 

"Prince Friggaschild-" says a man facing her from the left.

"Princess Friggaschild" Loki corrects

"has a very serious criminal record on this planet." The man's voice rises. "For which reason we have been able to survey his behavior. If we could catch every criminal we would but it is Loki who we are discussing at this time."

* * *

They hold the trial the following Tuesday. 

"Loki Friggaschild" the hologram in the center announces "This court hereby finds you guilty of 39 counts of fraud, as well as 563 minor breaches of your collective truce with planet earth, and you are sentenced to seventy years imprisonment in a specialized facility to be reviewed and fortified by King Odinson as well as earth's intergovernmental council."

Thor looks apologentic. Loki should have known he would go along with this, the coward. 


	9. Loki Friggaschild

So here they are, back in a cell again. Sure it's been made "comfortable", but sooth Thor's ego and conscience though it may, Loki is no happier here than any other prison. Books, Midgardian television, pretty furnature, none of it can substitute freedom. None of them are the same as wandering the street or wreaking havoc on easily frightened fools. Thor visits them as often as he can for conversation but this is also not the same as a real social life. 

"Loki." Thor says awkwardly, sitting down beside the sheer wall. 

Loki rolls his eyes and continues staring at the wall. 

"Did you read any of the new books I brought you?" Thor points hopefully to the bookshelf on the far wall, "They came highly recommended. I didn't really understand most of them but Stark said they were very advanced...scientific...texts"

"Advanced for Midgard." Loki spits. Damn. They had told themselves they wouldn't dignify Thor's ramblings with an answer, no matter how spiteful. Sure enough, Thor chuckled in victory at having spurred a response. 

"Do I amuse you?" Loki spat. They had already broken their silence, they may as well make the best of it. 

"You're clever." Thor says, gesturing vaguely. "It's a compliment." 

"Not from someone who finds Midgardians clever." 

"They're better than you give them credit for." Thor insists. 


	10. New Asgard

She simply has to manipulate one of the guards into releasing her. She chooses a sappy looking one and spends a few weeks focusing on him. At first she simply works on befriending him. They trade anecdotes, carefully curated on Loki's part, and she gradually makes greater and greater requests. She drops little hints about a fictional betrayal, never telling the whole story at once, letting him piece some of it together for himself. She slowly unveils a tragic story about mistaken identity and Thor's imagined corruption. She never asks directly for the ultimate goal. No, the guard lets her go and she lets it be his idea. She would never _dream_ of trying to escape if he hadn't suggested it. She makes her steps hesitant as she crosses the threshold. 

"Are you sure?" She whispers, eyes deliberately wide. 

"Stay out of trouble." He tells her.

She just smiles at him, keeping her face awestruck and grateful rather than gloating for the last few seconds of the interaction.

She changes her appearance and fades into the crowd, living as just another Asgardian citizen. Being a commoner is not as luxurious as being an adviser to the King, but Loki at least manages comfort. 

* * *

They find Loki and arrest her only about a month later but it was worth a try. She'll have to go further away next time. Also she'll have to stop dropping hints. Thor is getting...well, if not smarter then at least less stupid. Also she shouldn't actually talk to him next time. It was funny, sure, to be right in front of his face and not have him know, but clearly it's too risky. 


End file.
